Love In Transit: How Nigeria’s Japa Fever Is Tearing — & Testing — Family Bonds

By DAVID JOHN-FLUKE

ON a breezy Saturday in Abuja, Nkechi’s gold lace shimmered under the wedding lights as she watched her childhood friend walk down the aisle. But behind her forced smile lay heartbreak — her own fiancé had ended their long-distance engagement from Canada just a week earlier. “Life is moving fast here. I’ve met someone,” he told her bluntly.

Nkechi’s pain is not hers alone. Across Nigeria, the “Japa wave” — the ongoing exodus of Nigerians seeking better lives abroad — is rewriting the country’s emotional and family map. What began as a survival strategy has become a social phenomenon, leaving love, marriage, and kinship in its wake of disruption.

The Distance That Breaks Hearts

In Ibadan, Funmi waited nearly two years for her fiancé to “settle down” in the UK. “He was honest, but it broke me,” she says, recalling how the calls became shorter and the money transfers less frequent before he finally ended things. “I feel like I lost two years to waiting.”

Marriage counsellors and family therapists are seeing a surge in stories like Funmi’s. Pastor Bode, who runs a counselling clinic in Lagos, describes a new kind of marital crisis — one born not from infidelity or poverty, but from distance.

“Many husbands go first, promising to bring their wives later,” he says. “But migration processes take years. In that time, emotional gaps widen. Some wives feel abandoned; some husbands feel overwhelmed. Eventually, the bond snaps.”

That was the case for the Adepojus, married for 12 years before Mr. Adepoju left for Canada. “At first, we called every day,” says Mrs. Adepoju. “Then he became ‘too busy.’ I later saw photos of him online with someone else. I was keeping the home here; he was building another there.”

When Love Meets Immigration Law

Behind many of these heartbreaks lies bureaucracy. Stringent visa rules, long waiting times, and new income requirements for dependents have turned family reunification into a maze.

A 33-year-old nurse in Manchester laments how new UK policies made it impossible to bring her husband over immediately. “You need to earn above a threshold before applying. He’s still in Lagos. We talk every day, but sometimes I wonder if the distance is worth it.”

In other cases, loneliness abroad morphs into unplanned emotional entanglements. A Nigerian man in Germany, speaking anonymously, admits, “I didn’t plan to move on, but I was lonely and exhausted. Someone cared, and it just happened. It wasn’t betrayal — it was survival.”

Technology Helps — But Only So Much

Video calls, digital transfers, and joint online prayers have become the new rituals of long-distance love. Couples cling to WhatsApp, Zoom, and Sendwave to simulate closeness. Yet, as one woman put it, “Video calls can’t hug you.”

Ruth, a lawyer in Abuja whose husband migrated to the U.S., says the loneliness eventually outweighed the connection. “After the first year, I began resenting the phone. I needed a partner, not just a voice.”

Love That Endures the Miles

Still, not every Japa story ends in heartbreak. Chidi and Amarachi’s marriage survived three years apart when she left for graduate school in Canada. “We treated the distance like a project,” says Chidi. “We had daily devotions, monthly financial check-ins, and yearly visits. Today, we’re stronger than ever.”

Their story is rare — but it shows that discipline, faith, and shared purpose can help couples endure the storm.

The Social Cost of Migration

Experts say Japa is quietly reshaping Nigeria’s family structure. According to sociologist Prof. Kehinde of the University of Ibadan, “The nuclear family is under strain. Many children are now raised by grandparents or relatives while one or both parents live abroad.”

A 2024 SBM Intelligence report found that family separations linked to migration are now among the top five causes of marital breakdown in Nigeria’s urban centers.

Psychologists also warn of rising emotional fallout. “We see depression on both sides,” notes Dr. Nwosu, a Lagos-based therapist. “Spouses at home feel abandoned; those abroad feel guilty and isolated.”

Redefining Tradition

The ripple effects reach beyond romance. Weddings are postponed as couples wait to “secure papers.” Some host Zoom weddings, others quietly marry before relocation to ease spousal visa applications. “Tradition is changing fast,” says a marriage registrar in Ibadan. “Love letters are replaced by immigration forms.”

Beyond the Visa Stamp

Between 2019 and 2023, more than two million Nigerians migrated abroad — mostly to Canada, the UK, and the U.S., with growing numbers heading to Germany and Australia. Every departure stamp carries ambition — but also emotional risk.

The Japa movement is not just draining Nigeria’s workforce; it’s draining its emotional core. Families are split across continents. Marriages are tested by time zones. Children grow up with pixelated memories of parents.

For some, migration brings freedom, prosperity, and eventual reunification. For others, it leaves behind heartbreak, guilt, and loss.

As Nkechi, the heartbroken bridesmaid, reflects:

“We plan for visas, jobs, and housing. But no one prepares you for the loneliness, or for love that gets lost in transit.”

In the end, Japa is more than a journey of escape — it’s a test of endurance, faith, and what it really means to stay connected when home is half a world away.